When my first daughter was born, I had no idea what I was doing. Frankly, I still don’t know much about what I’m doing, but after two babies, I’m starting to figure out this fatherhood thing. Still, one of the biggest challenges I faced with both girls in the newborn stage was figuring out how to bond with them.
Don’t get me wrong. It’s incredible to see the connection develop between my wife and the baby she just carried for nine months. But sometimes they seemed so attached, especially when she was breastfeeding, I wondered where I fit in.
Now, I have a fantastic bond with both of my kids (including the mostly-breastfed-seven-month-old), and I can confidently say there are plenty of ways for dads to build connections with their newborns—no lactating required.
In this article, we’ll discuss why bonding matters and how to do it. Read straight through or jump to what you need:
Why bonding with your baby matters
First, let’s get one thing straight: Your baby needs you just as much as they need their mom. Studies show that active involvement from dads helps with a newborn’s emotional development, cognitive skills, and even reduces stress levels for both baby and parents. Plus, building that bond early on lays the foundation for a strong relationship as they grow.
Second, and as any formula or combo-feeding mom (including my wife) will tell you, breastfeeding is not the only way to bond with a baby. Your baby loves to snuggle, play, and generally take as much attention as you’re willing to give. All that attention, aka love, helps them grow into confident, well-adjusted individuals.
- Baby still on the way? Check out this pregnancy checklist for dads.
7 ways dads can bond with their newborn
Look no further for some highly practical ways you can work to establish a bond with your newborn on a daily basis.
1. Master the art of skin-to-skin contact
Skin-to-skin isn’t just for moms. Strip down to your chest, place your baby against your skin, and let the bonding begin. This helps regulate their body temperature, heartbeat, and breathing—plus, it releases oxytocin, a.k.a. the “love hormone,” for both of you.
2. Be the diaper change MVP
Okay, it’s not glamorous, but hear me out—diaper changes are prime bonding time. Your baby learns your face and voice during these moments. Talk to them, make silly faces, and turn a mundane task into a connection-building routine. Bonus: Your partner, who has potentially just recently had a human exit her body, will be glad to give this task up.
3. Talk and sing (even if you’re off-key)
Babies don’t care if you can’t carry a tune. They just want to hear your voice. Read books, narrate what you’re doing (“Alright, time to clean up this poop-tastrophe”), or sing whatever song comes to mind. Your voice becomes a source of comfort.
- Check out more tips for first-time dads
With both of my girls, I liked to narrate getting dressed (“ok, put your right arm in”). I have no idea if this actually helps them learn their left from right, but I like to think it does.
4. Take charge of bath time
Babies love routine, and bath time is a great one to own. Babies actually tend to like relaxing in the warm water, so it’s a chance to interact with them while they’re happy. Plus, the more your baby associates you with comforting care, the stronger your connection becomes.
5. Get on your baby’s level
Tummy time, playtime, or just lying on the floor next to your baby helps them recognize you as a safe, fun presence. Make eye contact, smile, and let them explore your face (yes, tiny fingers in your nose are part of the deal… get used to it).
6. Wear your baby
Invest in a baby carrier and wear your newborn while you walk around, do light chores, or just chill. Not only does this free up your hands, but the motion, warmth, and closeness reinforce your bond. Plus, it’s a solid dad move that earns you extra cool points.
7. Develop your own special rituals
Maybe it’s a morning cuddle session, a particular song you always sing before naps, or a signature rocking motion that only you do. These unique interactions help create a dad-specific bond that no one else can replace.
What if it takes time to bond?
Not every dad feels an instant connection, and that’s okay. Bonding is a process. The key is consistency—show up, be present, and keep engaging. Your baby doesn’t need perfection, just your effort.
- Worried you may not be ready to be a dad? Reassure yourself with our dad quiz and resources.
Signs dad hasn’t bonded with baby yet
Every dad-baby relationship looks different, but here are a few signs that bonding might need a little boost:
- You feel disconnected or uninterested during time with your baby
- You avoid baby-related tasks like feeding, diapering, or holding
- You’re unsure how to comfort or soothe your baby
- You feel overwhelmed or even resentful about your new role
- Your baby doesn’t respond as readily to your presence compared to others
If any of these sound familiar, don’t panic—it doesn’t mean you’re failing. It just means your bond is still developing. Note: if you’re feeling disconnected, angry, or sad, you could have postpartum depression (yes, dads can get postpartum depression, too). The best thing you can do for yourself and your family is to ask for help.
Keep showing up, ask for support if needed, and remember that even the strongest connections often grow slowly and steadily.
The bottom line
You don’t need to breastfeed to form a deep connection with your newborn. Skin-to-skin, talking, diaper changes, and just being involved daily are what make the bond strong. The more you interact, the more your baby learns to recognize and trust you—and before you know it, you’ll be their favorite person (or at least tied for first place).
Meet Fathercraft
Thanks for reading! We’re Fathercraft, founded by dads for dads. Our goal is to help make your parenting journey the best it can be with product reviews, courses, and the best dad bag you’re going to find on the internet. If you’re expecting, we recommend checking out our baby essentials list next or checking out our YouTube channel.
